last night my bro suddenly asked for the scanner driver. later he scanned a few old photos of him. and this morning, while checking his updated FS profile, I realized. it HAS been five years. since my beloved grandma passed away. how could I forget. it's exactly seven days after my birthday!
it's just another reason for me to dread over my birthday (since 2002). so many people died, that time of the year. my grandpa (july 5th), pakcik din - one of my uncle, (july 1st). well these two left us earlier, when I was too young to really feel the lost. so, not so much impact as my grandma did to me.
to be honest, I never move on. I break down everytime I see an old lady. in anyway. walking across the street, chatting with grandchild, gardening around the house, doing some chores. all I see is my atuk rumah. that's the name we called her by. coz she was the housewife, while our grandpa had a coffee shop, I think. so we called him atuk kedai.
why this one hurt so bad? maybe coz of what happened the night before. sigh. my two cousins and I got to help the elders gave her the last bath (?) by that time, I sort of shut off. I didn't know what to feel. until it was done, and I saw kakngah wiped her tears. then it all came back. she's gone, for good.
I know, I'm not suppose to meratap over the dead. wish I could help it. I guess I don't want to let go, just yet.
nani rindu kat atuk. al fatihah...
Thursday, 28 June 2007
Friday, 22 June 2007
I live to fight another day...
...or so it seems.
ok. forget about x830. here comes:
samsung sgh-f210. same design/functions. but this one comes with 2.0 megapixel camera, expandable storage (up to 2gb microSD). and it has normal 3 column keypad, an ease to my sms-ing gala (compare to x830's 2 column keypad).
Thursday, 21 June 2007
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
it's thursday. it's june 21. it's my birthday! happy birthday to me =) the 23rd years of me living on this planet. may there'll be more to come. might get a few wishes. I've (or my family) never known to celebrate birthdays. sometimes forgotten. and, "eh, semlm birthday si polan. happy birthday si polan!". heh.
I remember getting a diary (which I never used). a tweety bird alarm clock. a distorted garfield mug. oh yes, a chocolate and kaftan (or baju kelawar la). from my parents, which supposed to be a make up gift. after they got me sulking for a week. although, I was not sulking, as in - mopping around the house, not eating or doing anything or being rebellious. I was just being quieter than I usually did.
so I wouldn't expect much. plus, I'm not complaining coz it saves me from returning the favour =P
I recall somebody told me, that we die on the day we were born. ie: if you were born on a monday, you'd die on a monday too. I was born june 21, 1984. it was thursday. who knows.
I remember getting a diary (which I never used). a tweety bird alarm clock. a distorted garfield mug. oh yes, a chocolate and kaftan (or baju kelawar la). from my parents, which supposed to be a make up gift. after they got me sulking for a week. although, I was not sulking, as in - mopping around the house, not eating or doing anything or being rebellious. I was just being quieter than I usually did.
so I wouldn't expect much. plus, I'm not complaining coz it saves me from returning the favour =P
I recall somebody told me, that we die on the day we were born. ie: if you were born on a monday, you'd die on a monday too. I was born june 21, 1984. it was thursday. who knows.
Monday, 18 June 2007
For once in my life, I think it'd be nice just to lose control - just once!
my latest craze/obsession(s):
our entertainment industry (music-wise, particularly) is dead. most of the singing competitions, now infamously dub into reality tv show, suck - BIG TIME. then, one day while I was driving, was listening to FlyFm. they were playing this live medley of L.O.V.E/We will rock you/I don't wanna be, by some guy that I didn't know of. was totally blown off by his vocal/energy and I thought, "ohh another 'mat saleh' for me to drool over". but then the radio announcer said "something, something, of 'One in a Million' competition". what the..?! and later I heard 'Maha Karya Cinta'. I couldn't just keep listening to it without knowing who is this VERY talented singer. so I asked my trusty and reliable friends (when it comes to soppy-karatz-teeny-poppish malay songs/artists, they are my know-it-all source). and voila!Faizal Tahir. everybody was, like, "nani, ok ka? tersampuk ke ape?". bwahaha. well I'm actually a rock chick. heavily tatooed bods, guitar solos, crazy drums, incomprehensible scream/growl, or simply loud music. Metallica, Linkin Park, Megadeth, Caliban, Avenged Sevenfold, Lamb of God, System of a Down, Dream Theater, Arctic Monkeys, Linkin Park, Incubus, Lacuna Coil, Himsa, Bleeding Through. well I kinda freak myself out too. but I appreciate/adore beautiful voice. no matter in what genres they come, let it be nasyid or metal or oldies or dangdut. erk? ok I lie, no dangdut for me - ever!
back on Faizal Tahir. well bro, you are a breath of fresh air.I love the look, its functionality. it's big. plus it's BLACK. planning on getting myself a new phone with wider screen. currently using Samsung e630, since march 2005. suit perfectly for a girl, but NOT a gal as clumsy as moi. so, I thought, maybe SE w850i would be a good change.
until, I got a glimpse on this. Samsung x830. the tiniest thing ever. compact. so there won't be much space for mp3, even smaller screen. but SIMPLICITY is the best way to go. besides, I don't do 3G, I hardly MMS-ing. about ringtone, most of the time I put my phone on vibrate. and now, fulus is ALWAYS the problem =P well, ehemm, anyone? my birthday just around the corner.. june, 21st.. ehemm. mua a a a!
Sunday, 17 June 2007
Trying to silence the fear within me
just spent my weekly allowance on a new CD and a pair of sandals. bad, Nani. bad!
will review this later =)
what on earth?! I'd be 2 inches taller with those on! this is so-ridiculously.. NOT me!
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
One hell of a ride
wanted to post this two nights ago. but then I was too tired. every single cells of mine was aching. my urat belikat and tengkorok went kejung from a long drive. plus it's THAT time of the month. chuckles. slept in, even my parents wouldn't dare to disturb my beauty sleep. heaven!
long drive? me, mak and abah went to see ajib last saturday. yes in Tangkak, Johor. my first trip. I think. been to johor before. where exactly, don't have a clue. started early as we usualy do, around 7am, from Raub (I'm a certified driver for family trip these days). stopped for breakfast in Bentong. at Hajrah, our favourite. stuffed myself with two roti canai. yummy. continued on 'til tol Sg. Besi, stopped to do our little biz =P
it's actually not that far. KL - Tangkak, approximately one and a half hour (of driving over the speed limit). like, 130 - 140km/h. bwahaha. me likey. p/s to mak: expect a speeding ticket in the mail, in a month or two. grins. seriously, I marked the calendar. just in case the police guy I saw near Kajang exit caught me on his camera. abah's gonna kill me. he literally reminded me every five seconds! to slow down a little. did I listen? nooo. heck! jalan lurus beb. is cannot. orang lain eksiden bawak laju, wa eksiden bawak slow. camne? isk. mintak simpang. wa blum kawen lagi. kehek!
arrived at ajib's kolej around 11am. tok lebai tu ade kursus imam/tok siak (?) kami ingatkan dia join program tu. rupenye dia yang handle. adik wa ni kalo x jadi adun Raub nanti, xtau la. heh. lunch kat cafe/kantin kolej. anak² ikan sume pandang wa x puas ati siot. ape kes? am I that intimidating?
ajib setel, bawak dia kuar. checked in kat Ophir Hotel. 10 minutes from KMJ. we crammed into two-bedded room. with an extra bed and mattress (since there was four of us). quite a nice stay. not all that luxury. but clean, comfortable, affordable.
bandar tu sendiri, biasa je. not much of a difference between kampung sendiri. tapi pusing la cukup 360 darjah, kedai kain merata. ade la the store kalo nak shopping.
sunday morning, checked out, had breakfast, off to Melaka. as my abah said, tengok cucu lion. thats 'li' - 'on'. I called it, meredah. why? coz we didn't exactly remember the way to umah kak siti. it just happened that everytime I took a turn, or saw a sign, a building, or any landmarks - I was, "ohh, aritu ade lalu ni". "haa ingat ade nampak tu", "btul ade masuk simpang ni". and voila! umah kak siti, which looked different since the only time we've been there, was during merisik/tunang and nikah. sah² mase tu kawasan umah penuh ngan atap, meja, kerusi kan. x perasan la jugak.
nazmi, ya tuhan. tido lasak! itu keturunan. memang nak luas. xbleh bertilam, tergolek ke lantai. memang kuak lentang! kacau la macam mane pon. dia kata nak tido, nak tido la kan. xde nye peduli de =P lunched, reminiscing, sent ajib back to KMJ. 3.30pm stopped for solat, dropped ajib, and off for home.
ujan, road construction, traffic jam, accidents. tertanggu wa tau. ade lori, treller, masuk longkang. abih signboard exit Kajang. rasa nye tinggi kedudukan signboard tu. rompong! bayangkan kelajuan LORI tu. geleng kpale. sempat reply msg abg (kat tol, sebab benti queue bayar tol kan). with my (or abg's) enset condition, yang memerlukan kepakaran dan kesabaran yang tinggi untuk reply msg, xbleh nak baca msg sesuke ati. nanti ekciden, wa xmau jadi sebahagian dari statistik semata.
6.30pm, called abg, lepak kedai kat umah dia. tunggu ujan reda, solat kat umah dia, 9pm gerak balik Raub. renyai. abah pesan untuk 1081 kali nye, "xyah laju², ujan, jalan licin". xperlu pesan dah abah. kalo ade polis pon wa xrisau - the slowest I could ever go. wa was totally flat by that time, but abah have to work the next morning. so he could have the boss' seat, and I still wanted to drive us home. 10.40pm - home sweet home. alhamdulillah.
wa nampak tilam je. siang isnin tu mak tanye wa balik KL jugak ke petang nanti. wa dengar abah jawab, "xde nye balik tu. kakde tu letih lagi. jangan dikacau". mua a a a. wa suke btul kalo ade yang memahami ni. memang sungguh la x tertanggu langsung tido wa.
tapi ape la kisah nye teman seperchattan wa dengan ketidak-online-nan wa these couple of days. raises eyebrow.
long drive? me, mak and abah went to see ajib last saturday. yes in Tangkak, Johor. my first trip. I think. been to johor before. where exactly, don't have a clue. started early as we usualy do, around 7am, from Raub (I'm a certified driver for family trip these days). stopped for breakfast in Bentong. at Hajrah, our favourite. stuffed myself with two roti canai. yummy. continued on 'til tol Sg. Besi, stopped to do our little biz =P
it's actually not that far. KL - Tangkak, approximately one and a half hour (of driving over the speed limit). like, 130 - 140km/h. bwahaha. me likey. p/s to mak: expect a speeding ticket in the mail, in a month or two. grins. seriously, I marked the calendar. just in case the police guy I saw near Kajang exit caught me on his camera. abah's gonna kill me. he literally reminded me every five seconds! to slow down a little. did I listen? nooo. heck! jalan lurus beb. is cannot. orang lain eksiden bawak laju, wa eksiden bawak slow. camne? isk. mintak simpang. wa blum kawen lagi. kehek!
arrived at ajib's kolej around 11am. tok lebai tu ade kursus imam/tok siak (?) kami ingatkan dia join program tu. rupenye dia yang handle. adik wa ni kalo x jadi adun Raub nanti, xtau la. heh. lunch kat cafe/kantin kolej. anak² ikan sume pandang wa x puas ati siot. ape kes? am I that intimidating?
ajib setel, bawak dia kuar. checked in kat Ophir Hotel. 10 minutes from KMJ. we crammed into two-bedded room. with an extra bed and mattress (since there was four of us). quite a nice stay. not all that luxury. but clean, comfortable, affordable.
bandar tu sendiri, biasa je. not much of a difference between kampung sendiri. tapi pusing la cukup 360 darjah, kedai kain merata. ade la the store kalo nak shopping.
sunday morning, checked out, had breakfast, off to Melaka. as my abah said, tengok cucu lion. thats 'li' - 'on'. I called it, meredah. why? coz we didn't exactly remember the way to umah kak siti. it just happened that everytime I took a turn, or saw a sign, a building, or any landmarks - I was, "ohh, aritu ade lalu ni". "haa ingat ade nampak tu", "btul ade masuk simpang ni". and voila! umah kak siti, which looked different since the only time we've been there, was during merisik/tunang and nikah. sah² mase tu kawasan umah penuh ngan atap, meja, kerusi kan. x perasan la jugak.
nazmi, ya tuhan. tido lasak! itu keturunan. memang nak luas. xbleh bertilam, tergolek ke lantai. memang kuak lentang! kacau la macam mane pon. dia kata nak tido, nak tido la kan. xde nye peduli de =P lunched, reminiscing, sent ajib back to KMJ. 3.30pm stopped for solat, dropped ajib, and off for home.
ujan, road construction, traffic jam, accidents. tertanggu wa tau. ade lori, treller, masuk longkang. abih signboard exit Kajang. rasa nye tinggi kedudukan signboard tu. rompong! bayangkan kelajuan LORI tu. geleng kpale. sempat reply msg abg (kat tol, sebab benti queue bayar tol kan). with my (or abg's) enset condition, yang memerlukan kepakaran dan kesabaran yang tinggi untuk reply msg, xbleh nak baca msg sesuke ati. nanti ekciden, wa xmau jadi sebahagian dari statistik semata.
6.30pm, called abg, lepak kedai kat umah dia. tunggu ujan reda, solat kat umah dia, 9pm gerak balik Raub. renyai. abah pesan untuk 1081 kali nye, "xyah laju², ujan, jalan licin". xperlu pesan dah abah. kalo ade polis pon wa xrisau - the slowest I could ever go. wa was totally flat by that time, but abah have to work the next morning. so he could have the boss' seat, and I still wanted to drive us home. 10.40pm - home sweet home. alhamdulillah.
wa nampak tilam je. siang isnin tu mak tanye wa balik KL jugak ke petang nanti. wa dengar abah jawab, "xde nye balik tu. kakde tu letih lagi. jangan dikacau". mua a a a. wa suke btul kalo ade yang memahami ni. memang sungguh la x tertanggu langsung tido wa.
tapi ape la kisah nye teman seperchattan wa dengan ketidak-online-nan wa these couple of days. raises eyebrow.
Friday, 8 June 2007
Now I know I was wrong
moi.
Title: The Open Door (Album)
Artist: Evanescence
Lyrically this album is pretty straight forward. It is likely things which are experienced personally by Lee. Of stalker harrasment, departed band members, deceased sister, therapy session, to name a few. The songs deliver deep/dark mood, and somehow annoyingly haunting. Lee has also improved on vocal. She learned how to play more with her voice, and managed to hit on some of the lowest notes. While the others didn't do bad themselves. 13 tracks, approximately 54 minutes. Ends with a misleading, 'happy' song of the album, "Good Enough".Title: Favourite Worst Nightmare (Album)
Artist: Arctic Monkeys
Catchy. Clever lyrics. Radio friendly. High energy. Except for two tracks, "Only Ones Who Know" and "505". They managed to stand out among others in the genre. Matured since their debut. Showing us that they ain't monkeying around. And aren't they cute young boys? *winks*
Thursday, 7 June 2007
You'll never know the way your words have haunted me
abg blk keje tanye wa xkuar umah langsung ke seharian ni. salah soklan daa abg. dah wa teringin nak kuar. lepas maghrib call maRk, call pawie. set! ape lagi diorang memang pakat 1 ari ni msg wa ajak kuar. tertanggu jiwa wa tau.
nak jalan jejauh dah x sempat. pi tempat favourite paling dekat je. jumpe chocolate breadspread! *drools* pastu lepak NZ wangsa maju. maRk nak blanja x mau la cakap awal² kan. wa dah siap makan kenyang² kat umah. 1st attempt - sambal udang. wa bukan makan udang pon. abg je yang makan. saje la buat. so esok kalo abg x kuar² pada bilik air, tau la kenapa. mua a a a.
sambung lepak kat NZ ni tadi. tetiba ade 2 keta polis. xde la bunyi kan, tapi lampu duk liplap². kami dah bajet ade rush. rupenye beli tauhu bakar je? atuk dia cun la. tutup la lampu dol! lampu dalam kedai f.o.s. pon wa bleh pening, lagi mau liplap². huh. lepak sampai abih emil emilda. bleh?
layan titiwangsa seround. NAK NAIK FERRIS WHEEL. hayun berdua tu takut?! tsk. korang ni kan. spoil la. ade cape² nak naik ngan wa? ihiks.
parked port biasa. ade parking tempat orang bertenet =P dekat ngan taman, tempat orang main bola/futsal. tempat kami meluah perasaan. all out. memang sampai benda yang sangka xpatut jadi, jadi. wah! dalam pada rapat, x la baper kenal rupenye. sbb wa xramai kawan kan, papehal wa cube bersikap neutral. cewah. walaupun wa x suke, wa kawan. bab yang xsuke tu, wa sumpah la berlori² dalam ati kan.
citer 3 tahun lepas kan, mana cukup nak abih kan 3 jam lepak kan. kalo buat movie pon bleh jadi trilogy tau. siap kena tegur ngan pakcik² polis yang memang biasa ronda situ. kul 1pagi?! "balik la weh, korang kena samun kang tau la". ampeh. kitorang siap jerit dalam keta, "jangan gitu ah!". memang ye kan. makde kata, yang xelok tu jangan dimintak =P bila tanye kitorang tunggu sape, balas je la xnunggu sape pon kan. saje lepak release tension konon. hark ptuih. dia bleh suh kitorang pi karaoke. ape kes? "heliza bleh je nyanyi. korang pi la karaoke". layan af pakcik² ni rupenye. walaupun xmuat, kami gelak guling² jugak dalam keta.
balik la kan. takut jugak kot diorang saje round lagi skali, tengok kitorang xjalan². ade plak, korang ni nak kene escort balik ke. kan. haha. on je. rase cam vip sket kan. isk. cukup la sesi interogasi kami ngan dbkl time citrawarna 2004 dulu. geleng kpale.
nak jalan jejauh dah x sempat. pi tempat favourite paling dekat je. jumpe chocolate breadspread! *drools* pastu lepak NZ wangsa maju. maRk nak blanja x mau la cakap awal² kan. wa dah siap makan kenyang² kat umah. 1st attempt - sambal udang. wa bukan makan udang pon. abg je yang makan. saje la buat. so esok kalo abg x kuar² pada bilik air, tau la kenapa. mua a a a.
sambung lepak kat NZ ni tadi. tetiba ade 2 keta polis. xde la bunyi kan, tapi lampu duk liplap². kami dah bajet ade rush. rupenye beli tauhu bakar je? atuk dia cun la. tutup la lampu dol! lampu dalam kedai f.o.s. pon wa bleh pening, lagi mau liplap². huh. lepak sampai abih emil emilda. bleh?
layan titiwangsa seround. NAK NAIK FERRIS WHEEL. hayun berdua tu takut?! tsk. korang ni kan. spoil la. ade cape² nak naik ngan wa? ihiks.
parked port biasa. ade parking tempat orang bertenet =P dekat ngan taman, tempat orang main bola/futsal. tempat kami meluah perasaan. all out. memang sampai benda yang sangka xpatut jadi, jadi. wah! dalam pada rapat, x la baper kenal rupenye. sbb wa xramai kawan kan, papehal wa cube bersikap neutral. cewah. walaupun wa x suke, wa kawan. bab yang xsuke tu, wa sumpah la berlori² dalam ati kan.
citer 3 tahun lepas kan, mana cukup nak abih kan 3 jam lepak kan. kalo buat movie pon bleh jadi trilogy tau. siap kena tegur ngan pakcik² polis yang memang biasa ronda situ. kul 1pagi?! "balik la weh, korang kena samun kang tau la". ampeh. kitorang siap jerit dalam keta, "jangan gitu ah!". memang ye kan. makde kata, yang xelok tu jangan dimintak =P bila tanye kitorang tunggu sape, balas je la xnunggu sape pon kan. saje lepak release tension konon. hark ptuih. dia bleh suh kitorang pi karaoke. ape kes? "heliza bleh je nyanyi. korang pi la karaoke". layan af pakcik² ni rupenye. walaupun xmuat, kami gelak guling² jugak dalam keta.
balik la kan. takut jugak kot diorang saje round lagi skali, tengok kitorang xjalan². ade plak, korang ni nak kene escort balik ke. kan. haha. on je. rase cam vip sket kan. isk. cukup la sesi interogasi kami ngan dbkl time citrawarna 2004 dulu. geleng kpale.
Sunday, 3 June 2007
Grieving the things I can't repair
conversation took place at Rock Corner, The Curve:
why did I even bother to blog this? that was the 1st time I ever really had a conversation, like that. with a stranger (ie: cashier). sirius black. selama ni kalo org kedai ke sesape la, duk byk ckp camtu, biasa wa senyum je. kalo wa shopping ngan kengkawan, kengkawan yg byk mulut. not me. NEVER me. mungkin seblum masuk kedai tu tadi, wa ade tersampuk ape² ke kan. wa sendiri musykil. camner?
dalam erti kata lain, tadi pi bejalan ke The Curve ngan teman seperchattan wa. pastu pi restoran Kunang-kunang. sbelah projet gombak. makan ngan kengkawan kakngah. PIERRE ANDRE DATANG MAKAN SITU. terkesima jap. malangnye kedudukan kami x strategik. sempat tengok masa dia kat entrance je. TAPI SAH ITU PIERRE. loves.
bleh tahan la makanan nye. suasana agak best kalo kene cuaca nya. dan, ada nyamuk kakngah =P kalo carha yang blanje, macihhh uncle car. ngeeee :D kalo lepas tu, kakngah ganti plak smule, macihhh umi. awk iklas ke, x ke, tu kita citer di alam lain. heh. wa bab berterima kasih secara lisan ni, fail! sori jugak pasal kesenyapan dan ke"awkward"an wa depan diorang. seems that sometimes I still lose my idong.
salesguy: 2 sahaja? *he meant cd*
me: mmm 2 cukup sekarang. *and I smiled*
salesguy: ohh ok. 2 cukup...
me: beli byk xde diskaun ke? *I puppy-eyed him*
salesguy: *sorta whispering* syy... ade. tapi jgn ckp org
lain. *smirked*
me: *gave a VERY wide smile* ehh kene la ckp same org lain.
nanti org ramai dtg sini.
salesguy: *gave a thoughful look* mmm xbleh bising². tapi...
btul jugak kan.
me: haa nanti ramai org mau dtg beli kat sini.
salesguy: btul-btul. itu kwn xmau cd? *pointed to
kakngah*
me: oh satu dia punya. *explained why I got 2
cds*
salesguy: dia sapa? kawan?
me: sepupu. cousin. *setengah org xpaham sepupu tu hape
kan*
salesguy: ohh. sepupu. so ini you punye? *holding arctic
monkeys'*
me: aa. *nodded*
salesguy: *while holding evanescence's* ini sepupu
punya?
me: aa.
ade iklan, kakngah fikir² nak beli cd kosong ke x. sempat
lg salesguy tu pot pet pot pet pasal cd kosong tu plak.
salesguy: ini diskaun... rm48. ini diskaun... rm 46. jumlah
rm94.
salesguy: *before handing me the change* saya simpan
ini.
me: WTF?! *ahhaha no I didn't say that* ehh patut pulang kat
saya byk sket.
salesguy: thank you *smiled*
kakngah: bleh mcm tu?
why did I even bother to blog this? that was the 1st time I ever really had a conversation, like that. with a stranger (ie: cashier). sirius black. selama ni kalo org kedai ke sesape la, duk byk ckp camtu, biasa wa senyum je. kalo wa shopping ngan kengkawan, kengkawan yg byk mulut. not me. NEVER me. mungkin seblum masuk kedai tu tadi, wa ade tersampuk ape² ke kan. wa sendiri musykil. camner?
dalam erti kata lain, tadi pi bejalan ke The Curve ngan teman seperchattan wa. pastu pi restoran Kunang-kunang. sbelah projet gombak. makan ngan kengkawan kakngah. PIERRE ANDRE DATANG MAKAN SITU. terkesima jap. malangnye kedudukan kami x strategik. sempat tengok masa dia kat entrance je. TAPI SAH ITU PIERRE. loves.
bleh tahan la makanan nye. suasana agak best kalo kene cuaca nya. dan, ada nyamuk kakngah =P kalo carha yang blanje, macihhh uncle car. ngeeee :D kalo lepas tu, kakngah ganti plak smule, macihhh umi. awk iklas ke, x ke, tu kita citer di alam lain. heh. wa bab berterima kasih secara lisan ni, fail! sori jugak pasal kesenyapan dan ke"awkward"an wa depan diorang. seems that sometimes I still lose my idong.
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