But like a stone - I'm falling

juz a quick one... *abg nk kawen yay!*
₪ majlis purple: 29/30 apr.
₪ majlis pink: 6/7 mei.
₪ wan dh kuar spital.
₪ td beli riben nk lekat kt keta *meriah!*.
₪ kaklong'll hv to drive her own cik keli.
₪ abg: opis dh ban ym ke ape =P
₪ wa: kenduri² gak, asgmt jgn lupe! *ade 5 lori* (T_T)

expect a long post for my nxt entry... *2kenduri nk citer tuh!*

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Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you
Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is youCome please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’
Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for meSay it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me
Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’
Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for meSay it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me
Hurry I’m fallin’

Trying to forget, lying to forget

pretty hectic weekend. sminggu lg abg nk nikah kn. buat hantaran abg. jumat kami blk ke kg halaman beramai². wa, abg, kakngah, kaklong. sronot siots! blk dh mlm, abg sempat lg basuh baju *isk isk*

mlm tuh blk, tido dulu. kaklong xmau start lg kn. sabtu pg baru mula. wa bgn² jek *10 am =P* kaklong dh siap 3 tepak. syabas beta syabas! keje wa ngan kakngah - buat bunga tampal kt kotak isi kueh baulu. 400 kotak!!! astaga! ade la yg melebur jari main glue gun. guess what? siap in one day? muahahahaha :D kami mmg sungguh berdedikasi. patut dpt upah best nih abg! ;-)

ptg sabtu tuh jmpt plak izah. staff masuk shif ptg nih, kene buat overtime =P~ seharian tuh mmg sambil buat keje, sambil ngumpat. sambil gelak², sambil kenakn abg *bak kata kaklong, siap kenduri kt umah nnt baru mintak ampun ye* sian dia =P

riot jr kena blk awal la plak. nk jage ank sdare. pg td bgn *10 am lg!!* izah dh blk. brg² utk ke mlk dh siap. tinggal yg pink² jek nk disiapkn. xpe, tuh next week nye plak. pg ni takat buat bunga penanggah jek. pastu decorate bilik abg. alas tuh dh mcm jawa plak abg! wa xkire durhaka kn, sbb ckp dpn mak pon mak gelak jek =P lawa la tp.

hmm kali ni nmpk cam simple. byk hal² yg xpatut tulih kt sini jd penghalang (T_T) tp xpe la kn. wa rase kali ni punye mnarik sket. sbb wa join. yg 1st dulu rasenye tolong tgk jek =P *durhaka* pape pon slmt bernikah le nnt abg. mintak² sume jln lancar...

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Feeling nothing
Lonely, empty
You try to walk away but you fall
You cannot understand what's this for

In this world I see it more
The pain you feel that I ignore

You see my face and then you see nothin'
Confused, you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back again
Look at yourself and live again

Can't see me, you feel me
Want me, you'll find me
I'll be your everything
Will you call
You'll need more & more
When you fall

In this world I see it more
The pain you feel that I ignore

You see my face and then you see nothing
Confused, you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back again
Look at yourself and live again

How many times have you looked
At yourself & felt mistreated
How does it feel to know that
This life of yours is real
All of your life you've been led
To believe your nothin'
So look at yourself and start to live again

You see my face and then you see nothing
Confused, you turn and live on
I turn my face
You're staring back again
Look at yourself and live again

If you don't change you'll be nothin'
So look at yourself and live again

I'm wide awake, and I can see the perfect sky is torn

went out juz now, alone. dunno what to do. ronda². gelap rupenye jln raye kt sini, tiang lampu byk buat pe? kasi burung bertenggek? emm xde pe nk tulih. tuh je la, bleh gitu? =P suke ati la kn ;-) sok luse la tulih pepanjang, kot ade citer...

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Almost blue
Almost doing things we used to do
There's a boy here and he's almost you

Almost all the things that your eyes once promised
I see in him too
Now your eyes are red from crying

Almost blue
Flirting with this disaster became me
It named me as the fool who only aimed to be

Almost blue
It's almost touching that we're almost through
There's a part of me that's always true.. always..

All the things never come to an end now it is only a chosen few
I've seen such an unhappy couple

Almost me
Almost you
Almost blue

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

langit cerah mlm nih, tp ati wa mendung :'( ahaa mnarik tuh. bkn slalu nk kuar perkataan camtuh ;-) however I won't tell y I'm feeling this way. for now, better if I keep it to myself =))

td kuar ngan maRk. lame rasenye xjumpe dia *cun skang maRk!* yela hepi kn =P~ jumpe kt damai. lama tunggu! janji 5.30pm! dlm pd nunggu ni td, ade la couple nih. btenet atas motor. si aweks nih bleh plak nyelak² rambut pakwe cam mencari kutu! =D akakakaka wa gelak sensorg. cam tgk cenel animal planet plak. biasa kn kalo monyet, duk berkumpul 2-3 eko tuh. bederet jek 1-2-3, yg tgh cari kutu yg dpn. yg blakang cari kutu yg tgh >:D muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *LMAO*

dr damai pi masjed jamek. psr mlm! maRk sempat beli baju. wa xshopping sakan sbb niat nk beli menda lain =) tunggu maRk pilih baju, dan² tuh la ujan *cerdik! ada payung tinggal dlm keta* nk xnk redah la pi campbell *yeke camtuh eja? dh rupe sup kt tv tuh jek* =P jumpe mende yg wa cari slama nih - best!!

ingat nk pi pc fair.dlm pd meredah nih td dh lenjun. xsesuai! blk jek la. beli n.goreng ayam *burppp* lepak titiwangsa, mkn semata! sambil ngumpat la tp, cam biasa. dkt 11.00pm anta maRk blk *kem slm kt cik nona, maRk!*

wa sampai umah 5min to 12.00am. gile cerah langit, kuar bulan bintang. td siang dh ujan slebat² alam kn. nih basuh baju, siang sok kering nih. orait, mari kita basuh baju dulu...

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I lay, look in my hands
Searching these lines
I have not the answer
I'm crying and I don't know
Watching the sky
I search an answer
I'm free, free to beI'm not another liar
I just want to be myself... myself

And now the beat inside me
Is a sort of a cold breeze
And I've never any feeling inside
Ruining me...I bring my body
Carry it into another world
I know I live...
But like a stone i'm falling down

I pray looking to the sky
I can feel this rain
Right now it's fallin' on me
Fly, I just want to fly
Life is all mine

Some days I cry alone
But I know I'm not the only one
I'm here another day is gone
I don't want to die
Please be there when I arrive...
Don't cry please

Such a lonely day and it's mine - it's the day that I'm glad I survived

week 8 of sem5. supposed to be our midterm break. but I'm back, here in you-know-where, 5days early! *aisyoo*

Sunday, watched Saw for the 1st time. aiyak! so disturbing one! true isn't it, how a person wouldn't bother hurting or destroying himself. but when being threaten with danger by other people, we would go to certain point where we'd do anything to save our neck. uhh I should think 'bout changing my course ;)

went to kuala medang on Mon. jd driver mak :D mencabar siots! cam trek offroad. mak ni kn homeh orgnye, so dia jek la yg potpet² dlm keta. on da way pi, selisih ngan keta lama diorg pakai zmn along ngan abg. haa tebukak la citer time diorg mode² dolu. =)) dgr citer seniman bujang lapok nih mmg best. wa sengih jek sepjg jln.

lame gak lepaks sane. arrived around 9am, blk dh almost noon. 2tmpt mak pi, 1kedai pakcik nih. 1lg msk ladang. driver kene tunggu *tsk tsk* on da way blk plak, dh dia citer psl teknik² penanaman klape sawit yg berjaya. pasni wa jd peladang sawit berjaya la =P went straight to maklong riot house. hee :D

uihhhh merah ank angah! haikal ngan danial pon xsmerah tuh rasenye. buku kalo bertemu ngan pen =P bkn 1 citer jek yg kuar *sensitive subject - not suitable for public display* yadaa yadaa yadaa zuhr pon msk - blk. singgah umah maklong zie sat, anta baju kaklong. "sblum pi mlk kena siap ye maklong!", "haa sng la aku nk memesan nye" bygkn la cara maklong beckp =P

selasa maulud nabi. sakan cuti, tgh ari baru bukak pintu umah =P tuh pon ade org dtg, sape ntah. boring day, nothing's on tv. *placebo on mtv's fashionably loud! yeah!* then this morning, btolak 7.30am sampai 9.30am. 10am janji ade group discussion *wa? group? discuss lg? definitely not wa!* smenjak 2menjak ni jd student mithali =P

hmm nk pi menggodek blog kakngah. showed her mine, tempted her to join friendster *kaklong - wink!* xberjaya! jujur pi reg blogdrive. dh la susah nk tolong. isk s***h!!! for some unknown reason, I know that I'm not suppose to write that. but still...

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They say freak
When you're singled out
The red
Well it filters through
So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight goes red again
Seeing red again
This change he won't contain
Slip away to clear your mind
When asked what made it show?
The truth he gives in to most
So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight goes red again
Seeing red again...
They say freak
When you're singled out
The red
It filters through

I can see you awake anythime in my head

guess where I am rite now? ;P muahahahahaha wa suka! :D td ade klas ms sujata jek. tuh pon dia kasi asgmt ngan group project kitorg *sigh* klas mr gerard xde *see u nxt 2 weeks ok* wahh wa syg mr gerard! <3

ikutkn tgh ari lg dh bleh blk ke kg halaman nih. tp ade janji la plak kn. 5.30pm pi midv. 1hr later baru sampai *buduss! tau pon jam!* adela org tuh kata nk jumpekn. saje mls call, tunggu dia call plak. aram xmau =P so lepak sampai kul8. borong la boheme mcm nk kenduri. pi umah kaklong.

*rambut dh panjang kaklong!* betape lamenye xjumpe awk. padahal umah memasing skangkang gajah jek jauh nye =P wa pon rindu²an gak kt awk sbenanye. tp takat ngan awk jek xde la wa kebanjiran. dia kalo dpn makde ye, tsunami! *ihiks* bwk blk contoh bunga pahar utk abg *lawa-lawa* wa nnt kaler itam tau kaklong! xtipu! ermm sempat lyn citer korea tuh. xpenah² wa tgk! penin²! abih jek wa pon blah la blk.

*1½ jam jek kaklong* xtipu! pe lg mlm kn. lg la wa pusing 3x meter :D bosan lg! pakcik polis yg buat roadblock tuh pon prasan kebosanan wa *pesal sedih jek muke, ngantuk ye?* jadah aram dia! keta dpn sempat borak lg ngan geng dia yg duk kt tepi jln tuh! biadapZz! org nk cpt!

pape hal pon, mlm nih kena tido awal. sok nk anta mak pi keje *jd part time driver la plak kn* sian dia xsehat smejak 2menjak nih. trase nk jd ank mithali la plak kn =P dh la abg nk kawen ujung bln. dia siap pesan lg - "abg, kalo mak saket ke, msk spital ke, trus kn jek la majlis. jgn riso kt mak". tsk tsk tsk! dia lupe dia ckp tuh dpn wa. wa ni dh la mnurut dia. x menitis air mata dgr tuh?! *uhh basah keyboard.. basahhh!!!!* dah! blah!! g'nite...

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Playground school bell rings again
Rainclouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing

Hello
I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello...

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry...

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday

Tomorrow might not make it, but everything's alright

1 word – exhausted! Y?

Friday night – home, again! Miahahaha no matter how much me mom hates it. Kalo wa kata wa nk blk, wa blk gak! Arrived around 10.30pm. sempat singgah genting sempah, as usual =P sampai umah, mentekedarah! Burrpppp alhamdulillah! Lyn enough, catwoman, whose line is it anyway.

Saturday – 7am gerak pi ktn. Mak nk pi jumpe specialist mata. Btw I haven’t slept the night b4 @_@ dr umah abah drive pi bntg singgah brekfes. Dia suh wa tido dulu. Wa xnk, nk buat camne. So dr bntg wa drive sampai ktn. Kuar tol bg abah plak, sbb wa xtau jln nk pi klinik tuh. Sampai, xramai org. sng la mak kn. Time dia msk jumpe doc, ade la sorg nenek nih msk. Tsk! Sjibik gaye arwah atuk. Adush! Wa dh tunduk2 mnahan prasaan :’( mak siap jek, gerak umah aide.

11.30am sampai umah aide. Tsk lg skali! Wa ingat panas sampai ke ptg, rupenye ujan didpn makde! Akakakaka wa rase kn bosan jek makde “jadah nani nih, mai jek banjir. Ce la bwk pizza ke kn” =P rindu siots! Annies pon ade. Meriah niece wa sorg nih! Rambut dh pnjg, bleh ikat lg. kami xlama, 30min jek. Tp sempat la ngumpat ngan kakngah ngan yoi ;)

Noon gerak pi kmm. Sampai dkt zuhr. Haikal bkn main lg beciter ngan atuk nenek dia psl dia pi tadika. Danial? Ramah! Kecik dh ramah! Nih sok bsr nih kasanova nih muahahahahaha >:D hish! Wa sempat la landing, xtido pon. Dgr mak abah ngan along ngumpat. Ahahahahaha ngumpat aje! =P

Almost 4o’clock. Kami gerak la blk. Wa drive plak, tp mata sparuh dh nih =_= Nescafe! On da way abah sempat lg beli sata ngan otak. Lepaks batu itam. Tgk org mandi laut, tringin plak. Lama gile xmandi laut. Dolu kecik ade la kn. Dh bangka nih ntah le =P 5.30pm gerak blk. Ari ujan! Mak dia cun la! Wa dh la bebalam jek pandangan. Gile tensen jek jd pompuan mlayu terakhir – bwk slow!

7pm sampai r&r tloh. Singgah solat & mentekedarah. “Nescafe ais ngan air suam ye bang” haram suam dia! Panas! :-O dkt 9pm gerak blk. wa mmg dh xde prasaan nk begurau senda dijln raya. 2-3 keta yg biadapZz tuh, mak abah jek tau pe wa buat. Diorg hingat bwk keta besar best la tuh! Diorg xtau ke-best-an klisa wa! ;D

10.15pm td sampai umah! La ni wa dh mamai, cukup 24hrs xtido lg. sok mau penin nih. Isk! Tido pasnih konpem nxt week baru jage =P study weh! Midterm weh! Argh! Yela pon kn. Aduh laaa! Lapa la plak. Daging burger ade, goreng pon sodap! ‘nuff said, nighty nite folks…

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Keep holdin on,
When my brains tickin like a bomb.
Cuts the black,
Cocks the gun.
Up in to get me.
Sweet bitter words,
Unlike nothing I have heard.
Sing along mocking bird,
You don't effect me.
That’s right,
Deliver it to my heart.
Please try,
And deliver it.
Wait, I’m coming undone.
Irate, I’m coming undone.
Too late, I’m coming undone.
What looks so strong so delicate?
Wait, I’m starting to suffocate.
And soon I anticipate,I’m coming undone.
What looks so strong so delicate?
Choke, choke again.
I thought my demons were my friends.
Pity me.
In the end,
They're out to get me.
Since I was young,
I tasted sorrow on my tongue.
And this sweet jerky gun,
Does not protect me.
That’s right,
Trigger between my eyes.
Please try,
Make it click now.
Wait, I’m coming undone
Irate, I’m coming undone
Too late, I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate?
Wait, I’m starting to suffocate.
And soon I anticipate,I’m coming undone.
What looks so strong so delicate?
I’m trying to hold it together,
And it’s like I’m never better.
Looks like I’m not getting better.
Not getting better.
Wait, I’m coming undone.
Irate, I’m coming undone
Too late, I’m coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate?
Wait, I’m starting to suffocate.
And soon I anticipate,
I’m coming undone.
What looks so strong so delicate?