Say it, if it's worth saving me

Something caught my attention today. was watching some movies on tv. recalled this particular scene, probably the same things going on in every film I watched before. you know when people had had enough of life, of what's happening 'round them, to them... they resort to SUICIDE.

when I was young, I thought that it's just a made up act - something that you can see in movies. that real people won't even dare to think 'bout it. but then I grew up. seen, experienced and read a lot of stuff. it has become a mere lifestyle. it's like, it is the ONLY way.

what really trigger people to do so, why. one of my lecturer told my class, 'bout a documentary. there was a japanese student who jumped off a building coz he flunked in his studies *duh* if that was me, then it'd be a miracle. coz i'd be jumping off some building, like, 287 times. and live again just to write this *tehee* thinking 'bout it, I am likely to JUMP OFF off klcc this semester *pulls hair*

I found this "depression checklist" while yahooing *I don't google, it's fast but dull and unpleasant to me eyes*:
Φ I feel sad.
Φ I feel like crying a lot.
Φ I’m bored.
Φ I feel alone.
Φ I don't really feel sad, just "empty".
Φ I don't have confidence in myself.
Φ I don't like myself.
Φ I often feel scared, but I don't know why.
Φ I feel mad, like I could just explode!
Φ I feel guilty
Φ I can't concentrate.
Φ I have a hard time remembering things.
Φ I don't want to make decisions - its too much work.
Φ I feel like I'm in a fog.
Φ I’m so tired, no matter how much I sleep.
Φ I’m frustrated with everything and everybody.
Φ I don’t have fun anymore.
Φ I feel helpless.
Φ I’m always getting into trouble.
Φ I’m restless and jittery. I can’t sit still
Φ I feel nervous.
Φ I feel disorganized, like my head is spinning.
Φ I feel self-conscious.
Φ I can’t think straight. My brain doesn’t seem to work.
Φ I feel ugly.
Φ I don’t feel like talking anymore – I just don’t have anything to say.
Φ I feel my life has no direction.
Φ I feel life isn’t worth living.
Φ I consume alcohol/take drugs regularly.
Φ My whole body feels slowed down – my speech, my walk, and my movements.
Φ I don’t want to go out with friends anymore.
Φ I don’t feel like taking care of my appearance.
Φ Occasionally, my heart pounds, I can’t catch my breath, and I feel tingly. My vision feels strange and I feel I might pass out. The feeling passes in seconds, but I’m afraid it will happen again.
Φ Sometimes I feel like I'm losing it.
Φ I feel "different" from everyone else.
Φ I smile, but inside I'm miserable.
Φ I have difficulty falling asleep or I awaken between 1 A.M. and 5 A.M. and then I can't get back to sleep.
Φ My appetite has diminished - food tastes so bland.
Φ My appetite has increased - I feel I could eat all the time.
Φ My weight has increased/decreased.
Φ I have headaches.
Φ I have stomachaches.
Φ My arms and legs hurt.
Φ I feel nauseous.
Φ I'm dizzy.
Φ Sometimes my vision seems blurred or slow
Φ I'm clumsy.
Φ My neck hurts.

checked, checked, checked. whoa! seems like I am the one who need help here *blthhhr!* haa since when did I learn to write 'bout serious matters? ;-) I guess I watched too many CSI. I should write 'bout marriage, work, religion. or maybe I shouldn't...

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How long how long will I slide
Separate my side
I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slittin' my throat I
t's all I ever

I heard your voice through a photograph
I thought it up and brought up the past
Once you know you can never go back
I've got to take it on the otherside

Centuries are what it meant to me
A cemetery where I married the sea
Stranger things could never change my mind
I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on the otherside
Take it on
Take it on

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side
I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slittin' my throat
It's all I ever

Pour my life into a paper cup
The ashtray's full and I'm spillin' my guts
She wants to know am I still a slut
I've got to take it on the otherside

A scarlet starlet and she's in my bed
A candidate for a soul mate bled
Push the trigger and pull the thread
I've got to take it on the otherside
Take it on the otherside
Take it on
Take it on

How long how long will I slide
Separate my side
I don't
I don't believe it's bad
Slittin' my throat
It's all I ever

Turn me on, take me for a hard ride
Burn me out leave me on the otherside
I yell and tell it that
It's not my friend
I tear it down
I tear it down
But then it's born again